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Archive for April, 2006

Who Am I?

I stole this from Raehan

I AM: just a girl. I am a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunty but best of all, I’m someone’s other half.

I WANT: a family of my own. A nice house, a comfortable financial situation. A happy marriage
and a new kitchen

I WISH: I could fast forward into the future 5 years to see what I’ll be doing, where I’m living and what my kids are like. I wish I could’ve seen Take That in concert

I HATE: being used and lied to, especially by people that claim to be my friends. I hate my kitchen. I hate the fact that we have an ants nest in our garden.

I MISS: having a girly friend to confide in. I miss my old job and the people I used to work with. I miss being a dental nurse.

I FEAR: that my endometriosis will come back and that I won’t be able to have children. That would totally and utterly destroy me

I HEAR: footsteps in the corridor and the kettle boiling.

I WONDER: what the Dominican republic will be like and I wonder if Tom will like my wedding dress. I know my mum doesn’t. I wonder whether my sister will at least come to my mum and dads house when my uncle and cousin from Italy come to visit. She hasn’t seen them in about 15 years, maybe even longer.

I REGRET: my fiance not being my “first”. I regret choosing the wrong friends. I regret my past relationships, however, had I not made those mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am now.

I AM NOT: a morning person. I’m best left to my own devices until I’ve had a cup of coffee. I am not good at trusting people.

I DANCE: when I’m on a night out and I am tipsy

I SING: in my car, in the kitchen, in the living room, in kareoke bars. I used to be in a band and sing at weddings!!

I CRY: when I get overly worried about something or when someone has hurt me. I cry when I’m watching something soppy on tv. I cry when I’m hormonal or over tired!

I AM NOT ALWAYS: on time. In fact, very rarely am I on time

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: my future

I WRITE: because I get bored and it’s good to have something to do. Plus, we all need a place to vent!

I CONFUSE: easily!! I get confused with mortgages and anything technical.

I NEED: to get some colour before my brothers wedding. Sunbeds all the way!

I SHOULD: tidy up more but it’s so time consuming and there’s far more better things I could be doing with my time

I START: rambling when I get nervous. I talk and talk and talk!

I FINISH: each day with a hug and an “I love you” from Tom

I TAG: Texas Lass, Nikki-Ann and She of the Handbag

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Maths Never WAS My Strong Point

In an earlier post, I said I was getting married in a little over 10 weeks. I was wrong. How could I have miscounted that??!!

I get married on June 26th, so, correct me if I’m wrong, but I have checked and double-checked this time, and I make that to be under 9 weeks now. I’m not sure if that makes me feel excited or nervous. A bit of both I think.

One thing that hurts is that this should be one of the happiest times of my life, but given the situation with Sarah, I feel like I’ve got no one to share it with.

Another thing that upsets me is that Jack won’t be there. I know that was a risk we took when we opted to get married abroad, but Jack was all set to come. He was coming with Sarah. Because Sarah let me down, it means Jack can’t come. And I wouldn’t expect him to come all that way on his own, he realises that after the wedding it’s our honeymoon and therefore it’s “us” time. I don’t think Sarah realises how her actions affect other people.

If my parents weren’t coming to the wedding, it would be Jack that would give me away. Maybe we can set a link up with a web cam so that even if he can’t be there, he can still see us get married.

We went to pick Tom’s suit for the wedding up yesterday. It’s lovely. It is exactly what he wanted and it fits like a dream. We’re both really pleased with it.

All we need now is a Spanish translator to translate our documents to take with us. After that, I think we’re pretty much sorted.

Roll on June!!

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On my High Horse

I got on my high horse a little bit today.

As you will have probably heard on the news, the NHS is in the middle of cutting thousands of jobs throughout the country.

For those of you across the pond, the NHS is our healthcare system. It provides doctors, hospitals etc.

I work for them, not in a clinical post, but in the IT department. Our team is somewhat overstaffed, that’s why I’ve been seconded for a while, because we have staff to spare. My job is at risk, and seeing that it’s always me that gets seconded everywhere, I’m clearly the most dispensable person. Therefore I’m hedging my bets that it’s going to be me that goes.

What annoys me though, is that in the news it’s all sympathy for the nurses who might lose their jobs, but what about us in the admin roles? Our jobs are just as much at risk as the nurses, so why aren’t those roles in the news too?

I absolutely realise that the nurses play a vital role in the service, but so do we, and I don’t think we get as much publicity as we deserve. Is it not just as important that we can afford to pay our mortgage and feed and clothe ourselves too?

I feel bad at the thought of anyone losing his or her job; it’s a worrying time for us all, not just the nurses. We’re all in the same boat and that should be acknowledged.

I’m in my 3rd week of my secondment now. I have tomorrow off as annual leave. Next week is a 4 day week because of the bank holiday, I have 3 days off later on in May for the run up to my brothers wedding, then there’s another bank holiday at the end of may. Then it’s June and it’s the month I get married!! Yay!!

But also the month I turn 25. BOO!!!

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Sunburn

I’m currently nursing a slightly sore sunburn.

Sunburn?! In the Midlands?

This is where I ‘fess up and admit that I went on a sunbed. I don’t go over the top on them. In fact, last year I only went on once. However, seeing as my brother is getting married in just under 4 weeks and I’m getting married in just over 10, I decided I needed a little bit of colour. I’m Italian; I wasn’t born to be pasty.

Last week I went on, and to kick-start the process, I went on for 12 minutes. Come the evening I was a little rosy cheeked, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was burnt. So I decided this week, not to go on for so long and went on for 10 minutes instead. Why then, are the back of my legs bright red and really sore? The rest of me is starting to look brown.

I took my mum to see my wedding dress yesterday. I didn’t take her dress shopping with me as are tastes are extremely different and there is no way that she would have let me have the dress I chose if she was with me. It’s too late now, there’s nothing she can do about it.

I love my dress. I can’t say too much about it on here coz the other half reads this blog, but let’s just say it’s not as traditional as it could be. So I must say I was a tad disappointed that she said “Yeah it’s ok, but would be better if it was xyz.” She then proceeded to show more of an interest in the other girl in the shop who was trying dresses on, as hers was xyz.

However, on the plus side, my folks did give me and Tom a rather hefty cheque yesterday which means that we can afford to get our new kitchen put in! YIPPEE!!!!

You have NO idea how happy that makes me!!

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If I Could Turn Back Time….

Ok, so the many reason for starting a new blog is that my old one, my best friends knew about. Well, so what? You might ask.

I think it’s true and fair to say that the ones closest to us are the ones that hurt us the most sometimes. The point of a blog is to have somewhere you can talk about things without causing hassle in your personal life. I couldn’t talk about things that are going on where I knew my friends were reading it.

If I could change one thing, right now it would be that just over a year ago, I hadn’t introduced my two “best friends” to each other.

Since then, I wouldn’t necessarily say they had become close friends, but friends most definitely.

I know it shouldn’t be a problem, and up until now it wasn’t.

One is male and one is female. Lets call them Jack and Sarah.

Jack and I have been friends for about 5 years. Admittedly, our friendship got put on hold while I was engaged to a control freak who wouldn’t let me have male friends, but when I met my now fiancé, he had no problem whatsoever with me seeing Jack. In fact, Jack and my fiancé, let’s call him Tom, have actually become quite good friends themselves.

Recently however, Sarah has been a really bad friend to me, but a really good friend to Jack. I’ve known her 6 years. She hasn’t seen my new house yet, and not because she hasn’t been invited. She bails out on plans we’ve made at the last minute then asks me to do something with her at 48hours notice and gets offended when I tell her I’ve had plans for the past month. She then says it was only an idea as over the next few weekends, she’s going to be busy visiting people. Well shouldn’t I be one of these people she’s visiting? If your supposed “best friend” moved to a new pad, wouldn’t you be itching to see it? I haven’t actually seen her since December. She told me she wasn’t coming to my wedding via a text message. How harsh was that?

What I want to know is when I stopped being good enough? Was it when she found out she was pregnant and I was the only one who stood by her? Was it when she told me she was pregnant the second time and in a bad situation in her relationship and again, I stood by her? Was it when she told me that when she told me she lost the second baby, she lied, in fact she’d had an abortion and I didn’t judge her? Was it when we travelled 2 hours to see her 5 weekends in a row to help her move house and get settled? Or was it when we allowed her to our home at 4.30am after she’d had a nasty encounter with the ex and Tom and I hadn’t had any time to ourselves for weeks?

For Sarah, its now a prerequisite that if she sees us, Jack has to be there. This weekend she’s arranged to meet up with Jack and as an afterthought invited me.

I give up with her. She’s not worth the effort. My life is busy enough without having to deal with her thoughtlessness.

At least, if I hadn’t introduced them, I would only have to put up with the situation with Sarah, now I have an awkward situation with Jack too. Changing my email address and phone number sounds like a good idea at the moment.

I don’t hold Jack responsible, he’s just trying to be the good guy.

I’ve realised that the only person I can truly depend on is Tom. Without him, I’d have nothing, I’d be nothing. Yes he pisses me off sometimes, but isn’t that what other halves do? I know I piss him off, I know I can be immensely difficult at times. But we’re a couple and we work at our relationship. I know I probably don’t make it known to him enough, but I love him dearly and he’s the one thing in my life I WOULDN’T change. He’s my best friend, my lover, my rock.

I don’t want my blog to be me having a moan about stuff all the time, but I DO want to be able to vent my frustrations.

From now on, this is where it happens.

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Getting to Know me

Here are a few superficial details about me.

5 Things in my fridge
1. Milk
2. Eggs
3. Salady Stuff
4. Cheese
5. Lemonade

In My Closet
1. Lots of shoes
2.A brown gypsy skirt
3. Black Trousers
4. White Shirt
5. Decorating Clothes

in my handbag
1. my purse
2. My Diary
3. Hairbrush
4. Proplus
5. My work ID badge

in my car
1. Sunglasses
2. Bluetooth headset
3. Plates to give back to my mum when I see her
4. A car park pass for work
5. Various CD’s

in my DVD Collection
1. Every series of Friends
2. Beaches
3. Notting Hill
4. City of Angels
5. Bruce Almighty

I tag . .
no one. But let me know if you play.

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A Fresh Start

Here begins my fresh start.

A place where no one knows about. A place that I can be myself. Where I can say what I really want to without having to be discreet in case I offend someone I know.

This is MY space. My safe zone.

Let the good times begin.

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